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best cleansesHelloooooooooooooooooooo, summer!

Summer is here and I thought we should kick it off with a cleanse so we can enter vacation mode pure and energized.  I have chosen six cleanses based on the latest scientific research that will bring you dramatic results…


This is an amazing cleanse which targets the blood.  The blood filters through the kidneys which remove toxins and excess water which you expel.  Best done multiple times a day for best results.  You can support the micturition cleanse by consuming water throughout the day.  Also known as: peeing.


The Egestion Cleanse is named for the last phase of this highly complex cleanse which completely eliminates toxins consumed.  The body goes through 5 phases which includes Digestion, Absorption, Fermentation, Mass Shift, then finally Egestion.  This cleanse should be done AT LEAST every other day for maximum results.  Consuming food and water throughout the day, as well as physically moving work together to assist this cleanse.  More commonly known as: pooing.


This cleanse rids the body of highly toxic gases such as Carbon Dioxide, Nitrogen, Argon, and other highly toxic gases.  The build up of such noxious gases leads to unimaginable injury to your body, so this is a crucial cleanse to consider.  It is important to know that this cleanse is a commitment – it cannot be done unless you do it all day long every day.  Health professionals also call this:  breathing.


The Macrophagic Activity Cleanse utilizes the lymphatic system, which is a multi-organ and tissue system.  Macrophages along with cytokines and antibodies are activated upon toxin discovery for maximum attack.  Sometimes referred to as:  the immune system.


In this cleanse, toxins are conjugated via tranferases so they may be transported for modification and excretion.  Equipement needed:  a working liver.  This is absolutely essential to the success of the cleanse.  Street slang:  the liver doing it’s thang.

Alright, folks- are you picking up on what I am not so subtly suggesting?  The body is continuously detoxing itself, and if it didn’t detox itself (or even started to do it inefficiently), you would know because you would literally be dying.
Now, for that $80 you were about to spend on a cleanse, feel free to redirect those funds.  You can make your checks payable to Sarah Curry…